Jesus is lonely

When I look at the gospels, I can't help but think that Jesus was a very lonely man. He was fully human as well as fully define, so he needed friendship as much as I do. There weren't many people in the stories that were interested in being a friend to Jesus. Everyone wanted something from him. He was like a rockstar who won the lottery. His mother loved him and knew him as a friend, but the disciples didn't. Jesus always withdrew to quiet so he could spend time with his father, no one knew/knows Jesus better than God. So, Jesus marched through his life fulfilling his purpose being used by all who could reach him. I understand that this was part of his ministry, but couldn't one person stop and ask Jesus how his day was? After Jesus' death and resurrection his loneliness didn't stop. He is not dead, or gone, he is alive and near and I can't see him. It makes me angry! Jesus gives us the choice everyday to choose him, or myself. I almost always choose myself. I think the biggest problem is that I can't hear him. Jesus will not call me loudly, he will whisper to me. I will never hear him until I am willing to stop my business, and be still and quiet. Jesus speaks to us through quiet. Please take a moment to stop and be still, listen for Jesus he is calling.

"Jesus help me to listen to you. I believe that you are here with me always, but I don't listen to your whisper. Help me to hear. Give me desire to clear a moment to be still.

Amen."

True Humility

I have been struggling for about a year to discern what God is calling me and my family to do with our small amount of time in this world. I feel called to serve as a minister in a church. I feel I am gifted to lead a group of people, and help in forming the theology of those people, while at the same time creating a place that is actively searching out and loving those who are not a part of our church family. However, over the last few months I have felt stuck with no solution in sight. I have become impatient and at times angry at God for not being obvious in his counsel. Boy was I wrong.

For a little over two months I have been looking for a full-time minstry job. Everytime I felt I had an opportunity God said "no". I then realized that God was leading me to a normal everyday job, in which I am called to minister to the normal everyday people I will come into contact with. The very thought of this is somehow a shot at my ego. I have now found a peace about life and God's blessings are begining to flow. I have learned that I am the only thing that stands in the way of me and the task God has laid before me.
I think I have learned the true meaning of humility. I used to think that being humble was not drawing attention to my self. Humility to me was not associated with God. It was an act much like going to church or keeping pure thoughts, all of which contributed to my righteousness (or lack of). I learned that humility has nothing to do with the way I act, but rather with the choices I make regarding God in my life. True humility is understanding your place in God's Plan, and choosing to be part of him.

"Lord thank you for teaching me to be holy. I will never be without fault, but I desire to live the way you want me to. Please help me to submit to you in everyway. With all my self, father motivate me to follow your calling."