Who are you...

As Christians we must learn from our inherited tradition's ancestors. Like our Jewish cousins, we must be willing to question Yahweh. We must be willing to wrestle with our maker as Jacob did. Wrestling is not a sport in which the one with the most strength wins. Rather, the one who learns from his opponent and counters with the correct moves wins. Wrestling is an intimate activity, we can learn much about who we are and our place in His creation by wrestling.

And so I ask...

Who are you that you will allow an institution which so greatly blesses the Church family of the Northwest to close it's doors?

Who are you that you will watch a 4 year old girl suffer from leukemia?

Who are you that you will not stop a babies head from fusing forcing an emergency and scary surgery?

Who are you that you will not protect children from the selfish choices of their mother?

Yahweh,

I thank you for these times when I can see that I am but a small part of your creation. I thank you for reminding me that it's not about me. I thank you that I can feel remorse, sadness, fear, and disgust. I thank you that you are bigger than my feelings, and that you know better than I. I thank you that in all these things you will have an opportunity to save me - again. I thank you for Cascade, Caitlin, Zion, and Emily. I ask that in all these things you will teach me who you are. I ask that these times of heart ache are a reminder of the wonderful story of Jesus, and that these hard times will stir my excitement about his story. May I never be quiet, may I never be afraid, may I never be ashamed. Give me the strength to be a soft spoken servant, and a brash mouthed prophet; and guide me with your spirit that I may know when.

Amen.

I've got Joy, down in my heart...

I have been thinking about joy quite a bit lately. I don't consider myself to be an overly joyous person, in fact I would think most people would see me as cynical and frumpy. I long to be a person who shines joy into others, but it doesn't come easily to me.

Paul has some interesting thoughts on joy. In Galatians 5 he mentions that joy is a fruit of the spirit, not a state of being but the effect of some cause. Outside of this writing Paul and other new testament writers don't generally excite me with what they say about joy. Here are some of those thoughts:

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 8:2 that "Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity."

The writer of Hebrews says "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

James writes "Consider it pure joy my brothers when ever you face trials of many kinds..."

If you were to ask average Americans what the definition of joy is, they would largely give you a definition closely related to happiness if not that it was happiness altogether. The new testament writers seem to think of joy as the effect of trials or persecution, they seem to say that joy and happiness are somewhat contradicting. Both seem to be effects of different causes, one from desires of the flesh and the other from desires of the soul. 

I have heard it said that money can't buy you happiness, and I think that is largely false. I have had money, and it made me very happy. In fact the more money I had the happier I think I was. That happiness came at the cost of not being a very joyful person, it brought emptiness, and no matter how happy I seemed to be it didn't last long before I felt I needed to buy more.

As a disciple of Jesus I am now trying to live with as little money as possible so that happiness is not a temptation, and so that through my trials of making ends meet and relying on God's providence to take care of me I will bear more fruit called joy.